If the Lada Kalina Had Been Made in the USSR
An improvisation on the theme of an advertising text that could have existed in the USSR. Don't get your hopes up — it was written off the top of my head, so there may be numerous inconsistencies with the style of those times.
Lada Kalina is an integral part of our life — life in a great country during the formation of a new era — the era of dynamic decline. A symbol not only of the deep essence of the Russian soul, inextinguishable over the centuries, but also a reflection of the harsh political, economic and social reality. Representing the Soviet Union in such an economically weighty segment as the automotive industry and being essentially a monopolist and leader in its industry in the Soviet Union, the AvtoVAZ concern showed a worthy example of the correct concentration of funds and efforts in unfavorable conditions of survival. Having been reconstructed and falling under the influence of foreign investors, nevertheless, it managed to preserve independence and devotion to its people, producing time-tested products of the "automobile" class. The car has long ceased to be a luxury even for an ordinary Russian citizen of average means. Moreover, today he faces a difficult choice due to the influx from all sides and the attack on the Russian market by bourgeois invaders from Europe, Japan, China and, what is most terrible, from the depths of the main competitor, the hotbed of all manner of iniquity — the USA. But the fact of the presence of our worthy, or even more correctly, exemplary example, moreover, accessible to the ordinary man in the street, gives us humongous hope for a bright socialist society. From now on we will not feed the round burger-shaped bellies of overseas democrats who have embarked on the path of utter destruction. Now our fate, without a doubt, bright and immaculate, is only in our hands.
Let us take a look at this wonder of wonders — a car under the sonorous and noble, as if a Kobzon song, name Lada Kalina. As the slogan says, "our city seems to have fallen in love." And this is nothing other than the most truthful of all the most truthful truths you have ever heard and seen. How smooth these forms are, and just as expressive! And, what is most pleasant for a Soviet person, not the slightest hint of copying foreign analogues! Everything, from the window seals to the beautiful circular nozzle of the exhaust system, is made in Russia, by Soviet hands, with kindness and a smile on the heart. The mighty engine is capable of both winning international races and steadily pulling a fully loaded car with a sack of potatoes, your grandmother and two Dobermans down a hill. In the heat you will be saved by a surprisingly well-thought-out ventilation system (and for an extra charge, a miracle still unknown abroad — air conditioning!). In the cold, you can confidently rely on the stove, which will heat and soften all your limbs. The humongous trunk is capable of holding, as already mentioned, many, many kilograms of potatoes or even a whole cow, sawed into pieces.
By buying this car today, you will save your strength and money for many years to come, because such an engineering creation will not become obsolete for a very long time! And your children and grandchildren will use it to their joy. The AvtoVAZ concern is so reasonable that it does not release a new car more often than once every 30 years, as they do overseas, trying to attract buyers with a new shape to the outdated "filling." The products of the AvtoVAZ concern are designed to be modern even after 30 years, and only then may a change in form and content be required.
We hope that these valuable tips will help you make the right choice!
